


My Star is Fading

by diamonds_and_rust



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, So much angst, either way having fun reading, i can't tell if i ship this or if this is platonic, i cried, i like the pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7260283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamonds_and_rust/pseuds/diamonds_and_rust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumnus takes one last journey while reflecting on some important moments in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Star is Fading

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I had a reason for writing this but I don't.

The sun was low in the sky, dyeing the clouds bloodred. Although the evening was warm, a cold wind forced its way through the lands. The chill seemed to go straight to his bones. A shiver wracked his body. The red scarf he wore did little to keep him warm these days, but he refused to go around without it. Some might call him stubborn, others foolish. Despite the time that had passed, despite logic, Tumnus still had hope that one day his Lucy would return to Narnia. 

Over the years, Tumnus had collected many a thing: books, stones, memories. But his most prized possession was without a doubt an old, holey handkerchief. Although nowadays his memory tended to fail him, he could recall quite clearly how he came about the simple square of fabric. It had once belonged to Narnia’s greatest queen (well, the greatest in his opinion, for all the royal family was wonderful). 

The lamppost. He passed it every day of his life, yet he never knew how important it would become to him until he met a little girl with too much trust in strangers. Those were dark times and one had to do what they must to survive, but he could have never have gone through with the plot to turn Lucy over to the White Witch. The very thought of doing so made his heart tremble. Curiously, she had quickly forgiven him. Maybe it was because he was crying, maybe it was because little children had faith where others did not. Whatever the reason, she believed in his good, and he could never repay her for that kindness. He still remembered her words.

_ Keep it. You need it more than I do. _

He remembered being a statue. Sometimes if the wind blew a certain way, he could feel the same sensation of the process. Being a statue was nothing compared to the guilt he felt over almost handing Lucy to the White Witch. But, he supposed, everything had turned out all right in the end. Narnia was once again free to thrive and flourish, all under the guidance of four new leaders. Tumnus remembered the fresh breeze and walking over to his Lucy, now a queen. She cried as she watched Aslan go off on his own. He had fumbled for her handkerchief (in truth, he had almost forgotten it was still on him) and handed it to her.

_ Here. You need it more than I do. _

Over the years, they had exchanged and shared the handkerchief. Even though sometimes they were apart, the small scrap of fabric reminded them that no matter where they were, they always had someone to comfort them. Tumnus wasn’t sure how many times the handkerchief had been passed between them. All he knew was that one day, the two kings and two queens of Narnia had gone off to hunt a white stag and never came back.

No one had been there to hand him the handkerchief that day. 

Perhaps that was just as well. Maybe her days were full of smiles and sunshine, so wherever she was now, she didn’t need anything to dry tears with. But he had cried for days, sitting by the lamppost until the Beavers forced him to go home. How had this once little girl grown on him after all these years? How could she just leave him? No goodbye, no weird handshake that she had taught him when they first met. Nothing. From nothing, however, came hope. 

And maybe hope was worse of all. It kept him looking for the smile he had grown accustomed to, it kept him straining his ears for that familiar laugh. Eventually, hope dwindled down until it was only a candle, quiet and flickering. Enough time passed where even he had to realize that she was never coming back, but that never stopped him. 

Tumnus gripped the handkerchief in his hand tighter. He had one last journey to make before the sun set. He knew that he didn’t have long. Still, even in the dark, he could find his way there. He had walked this path many times in his life, he could do it once more. 

The lamppost was just as bright as it was the day Lucy came into his life. He smiled, walking the final steps. The grass was soft where he sat. Soon autumn would come to change the leafs to brilliant colors and then winter would bring bright snows and Christmas. Christmases with Lucy were never dull, even when she grew older and more mature. One year, she had knitted him a new red scarf. There were mistakes and holes in it, but he was delighted by the gift. He had rarely gone a day without wearing it since that Christmas. 

He lifted a hand to his scarf. If it weren’t for the scarf and the handkerchief, he would think it all a dream. Not that it mattered now. Even if the four siblings were to come back tomorrow morning, they would be too late. Tumnus was out of time.

In the end, he supposed his story was small and simple. Just a faun who happened to befriend a little girl. Lucy had always fancied him to be some kind of hero, but he knew better. He closed his eyes and exhaled. Wherever Lucy was now, he hoped she was happy. He hoped that wherever she was, she didn’t shed any tears, and if she did, she had someone to give her their handkerchief. He just wished Lucy would have come back to Narnia to claim hers.

He looked up at the sky, watching the early evening stars come into view. Maybe somewhere she was looking at the same ones. For the last time, Tumnus closed his eyes, clutching the only thing that mattered in his long life anymore: Lucy's handkerchief. 


End file.
